her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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