ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
