I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
