OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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