You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
