I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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