My first STD was from a foam party
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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