Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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