you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
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I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
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Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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