Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
