You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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