Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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