he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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