Only a mothe r could love this liver
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
