if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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