she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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