I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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