I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
