I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
