fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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