I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
