i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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