When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
