Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
