a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
