worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
