how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
