I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
soo... how was my night?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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