that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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