Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
