the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
In America we eat man semen.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
