I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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