went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
