apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
