You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
