What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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