my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
