i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
