you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
