he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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