A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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