I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
