I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
