i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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