waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
