First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
