addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
