Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
