True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Can I color on your dick again?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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