I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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