The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
