Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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