4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
