when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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