I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
