So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
