You're my little dorito
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
