you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
