Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
