Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
