It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
