I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
