i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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