I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
