If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm always down for nudity.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
