i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
