I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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