If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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