i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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