I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
