they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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