it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
