Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
