I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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