P.S. I can't hear my feet
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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