Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
